Achieving a Balance

Last week, my work roomie and I went to a seminar.  Honestly, I was not expecting too much from this session.  I thought the presenter would tell me a bunch of things that I already knew.  However, in the last 5 days, I have come to realize that the seminar made me think quite a bit about how I am using my time. I think that just about anyone can relate to the following tips that I learned, so here it goes:

First exercise: Write 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 on a piece of paper.  Write down the five most important things in your life.  These could be people, possessions, concepts.  Just think, "what is important to me?"  Now, prioritize this list, 1 is the highest priority.  Take your time - consider carefully. 

Now, realistically think about the amount of time each day that you spend on those things.  If these are truly your priorities, you should be giving more of yourself to each thing.  The rating that you gave each item is irrelevant if you are not making these true priorities.  In fact, you could make a second list that has the 5 things that you spend the majority of your day on and then compare the two lists.

So, in this exercise, we define what is most important to us and develop a plan that helps prioritize and balance these things.  If you included a priority to spend more time reading your Bible, wake up 30 minutes earlier and devote that time to studying God's word or in prayer.  After dinner, instead of replying to that e-mail to your boss right away, spend time working with your 1-year old as he learns to take his first steps.  Make time for the things that are most important to you.

We also learned the requirements to having a balanced life:

Learn to value rest, relaxation, and meditation - build down-time into your schedule.  Last night, I turned on one of my favorite channels and just zoned out for 30 minutes.  It was worth it to forget about the stresses of the day.  The presenter also encouraged us to take a 15 minute break from work each afternoon and walk, sit on a bench and people watch, read a book, or whatever is relaxing to you.  15 minutes could be the boost that helps you get through the rest of your day. 

Do not work through your lunch break.  I am so guilty of this one.  Take the hour  to run errands, eat lunch, or take a walk; just be sure you take the whole hour!

Drop activities that zap your time and energy.  For example, instead of trying to figure out how I can fix our washer/dryer, I should spend the extra money towards labor and hire someone to fix it.  I love fixing things.  I have replaced all lighting fixtures in our home over the last 3 years.  I would have made a great electrician!  I would probably enjoy taking the washing machine apart.  But, it might take me 4 hours to fix.  That four hours would certainly be more useful doing something on my priority list.  Key point: Sometimes it is worth it to pay an expert to do the tasks.

Good nutrition matters.  I will say that I feel better than I have in a long time - now that I am concentrating on eating healthy.  Dropping 25 pounds has made a difference in how I feel each day.  My clothes fit better, and I feel better about myself.  I am eating foods that give me energy.  I used to have knee pain.  My knees feel so much better now that I am not carrying around that extra weight.  If you feel good, you will have a better attitude when struggles come along.

Regular exercise is important.  One of my favorite things about the spring is walking after work.  It is the one time when we can catch up on the day and visit with neighbors.  Exercise and good nutrition help give you the energy you need to manage your day to day priorities.

Good Support Systems are essential.   Spend time with your friends and family; don't be afraid to lean on them for help. 

Meaningful Work.  Are you in the right job?  Are you being challenged?  Do you enjoy waking up every morning and heading off to work?  If the answer is no, you may want to consider a career change. 

Find time for Humor, Laughter and Play. Proverbs 17:22 reads, "A merry heart does good, like medicine..."  One suggestion is to put "fun" things on your calendar.  Whether it is a date night or Pizza night at home, having something to look forward to in the days and weeks to come makes a big difference.


See the excerpt below from The Mayo Clinic:

Short-term benefits
A good laugh has great short-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can:

• Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
• Activate and relieve your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response and increases your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.
• Soothe tension. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

I challenge you - not just working parents - to evaluate your goals and priorities.  Come up with family goals.  Where do you want to be in 5 years, 10 years, etc.  Evaluate the time you are spending with the things you consider to be your priorities.  If you feel like you are well-adjusted, then good for you.  If not, incorporate some of the balanced life suggestions listed above.  Make time for the things that really matter.

The other day, in response to my complaining about the "bathroom office," my husband said, "If you don't like something, change it.  If you can't change it; change the way you think about it."  So, I purchased the outhouses calendar.  It adds a little humor to the office.  The quote for February reads, "Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world; until the world will be sorry that you retire." - Samuel Johnson.

Empowered, Accomplished and Helpless...

Yesterday must have been opposite day.  There were so many times I felt accomplished and empowered.  At other times, I felt helpless. 

It all started when my husband left at 8:15 AM Sunday for a business trip.  My foundation is leaving? For the first time in our marriage, he will be away for 6 full days and five nights.  I have mentioned that I was once a nanny and have spent multiple nights/days caring for little ones.  In my nannying days, I cared for 2 year old triplets one summer, and for a newborn, a four-year-old, and a 9 year old my senior year in college.  For some reason, the thought of "going it alone" with my little one frightened me.  As soon as dear husband's car left the driveway, I glanced at the clock and had an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach...how am I going to do everything that needs to be done without his help?

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED:  I took "Lucky" to church and enjoyed an hour with my eighth grade class. They are finally coming out of their shells! 
 
feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: We enjoyed a lovely lunch of Kraft  Macaroni and Cheese, mixed fruit cups, and turkey slices.
feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: He took a 3 hour nap while I straightened the house and baked a loaf of banana bread.  I even got a 30 minute nap!

feeling HELPLESS: He woke up fussy.  Where's Silly Daddy when you need him?

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: We took a 30 minute walk and he practiced walking in the driveway.

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: We stocked up at the grocery store. Saved $20 by using coupons.

feeling HELPLESS: Put a load of wash into the washing machine.  Hear a loud "CLICKING" noise at a time when it should be spinning, spinning, spinning....enough to put me over the edge.  I seriously contemplate buying a new washer to replace this 10 year old one.  I even go so far as to look in the Sunday circulars for a "good deal." 

feeling HELPLESS: Don't even want to "think outside the box." Tell husband when he calls that I'm planning to get a new washer.  He reasons me into seeing how much the part/labor will cost to fix it.

feeling HELPLESS: Baby is fussy - throws a major temper tantrum.  Kicks, screams, and pounds his fists on the playmat in his playyard.  I can't figure out what he wants.

feeling HELPLESS: My sister isn't coming to help out.  She's facing personal challenges of her own.  Insert frowny face with big crocodile tears here! :-(

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: Give baby a bath.  He's happy for 10 mintues.  Dry his hair and give him a bottle.  My eye is on the clock...it's only 6:15.  Bedtime is at 7:00 PM.  I take a chance and put him in his crib.  Within 30 seconds, he is sound asleep.

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: Finish taxes and file them. 

Thankfully, I ended the day feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED.  Still, this week is not going to be easy.  I'm going to try looking on the bright side of things. Updates coming soon!

My little valentine

I stopped by daycare today in the middle of the day.  Honestly, I do not know how the teachers at the center do it.  8 out of 10 children were sitting quietly on their cots.  The other two were still sleeping.  "Lucky" was awake and was so excited to see me.  But, oh! He really wanted to come off of the mat to see me.  His teacher, Ms. Kristie, said, "Lucky, you need to stay on the mat until 2:30." And he straightened up, looked her in the eye, and...get this...he listened to her!  I am not kidding.  He even let me take this picture:

My little valentine turned 14 months last week.  Most of the children in his class are at least a year, but there are a few in the class around 10 months of age.  Every single child was sitting nicely on their cot until 2:30. How do they do it?

He minds so well at daycare.  We hear, "He's always happy," or "he rarely cries."  Um, hmmmm.  How should I put this?  To us, "Lucky" is a fussy baby.  He has very good moments - don't get me wrong.  His best times are first thing in the morning and just before he goes to bed.  We see our share of tantrums, yells and fusses.  So, are we spoiling him?  Are we strict enough?  What are we doing wrong?

Naturally, I want the times that he is with us to be the very best.  I know that things will not be rosy and happy all of the time.  But I have to wonder, is there a right way and a wrong way to parent a 14 month old?

I asked the pediatrician at our 1 year visit, and he told me to read the James Dobson books.  I asked another pediatrician a couple of weeks later at a sick appointment, and he said, "Please do not read the James Dobson books."  The second pediatrician said, "The parents who seem to have all the answers are the ones we worry about.  The ones who ask us for advice tend to be the ones who are doing a great job."  Really? 

The second pediatrician also said that "Lucky's" Terrible Two's were not going to be as terrible since he is a Terrible One.  Anyone else ever heard that one?

Do any of you out there in internet land have any suggestions, book reviews, or even books to share?  We are up for anything and welcome your thoughts!

Broiled Tilapia Parmesan

Fish is very easy for a working mom because it really takes no time at all to bake or grill.  I usually cook rice or new potatoes and mixed vegetables with fish .  I get home from work around 5:15, and I can easily have the above meal cooked and ready to eat by 5:45.  My husband found the following recipe and cooked it last week.  Our 14 month old loved it and ate an entire fillet by himself!

Broiled Tilapia Parmesan

Ingredients:
1/4 cup Parmesan Cheese
2 Tb Butter, melted
1 Tb plus 2 tsp. Mayo
1 Tb lemon juice
dash of dried basil
dash of ground black pepper
dash of onion powder
dash of celery salt
4 fillets of Tilapia

• Preheat the oven broiler and line your baking dish with aluminum foil.  Spray with Olive Oil Spray (or Pam)
• Mix together all ingredients (except the tilapia). Set aside.
• Arrange fillets in a single layer.  Broil a few inches from the heat for 2 -3 minutes on each side.  Remove from the oven and cover with the Parmesan cheese mixture. Broil for 2 more minutes until the topping is browned and the fish flakes with a fork.

Just lovely!

I sit in the bathroom office.

I sit in the bathroom office.  My job still feels like it is in a state of transition.  Now that I am “working” in the bathroom office, it feels even more unreal.

What is a bathroom office?  Quite frankly, until about 3 weeks ago, this “office” was a bathroom.  There was a toilet, a sink, tile floor, and a counter top.  I think that there were two or three people in the suite that used it as their primary restroom.  With the office staff growing, the upper management decided to transform (with the help of a construction team) it into a working office.  It’s small, y’all!

About the same time, upper management decided to put a wall up in my former window suite – the one I shared with a sweet and friendly roommate – and create two separate spaces.  For that construction to happen, we had to be relocated.  As luck would have it, I ended up moving into the “bathroom office” temporarily – or so I thought.  This is starting to sound like the movie “Office Space.”  You know, the movie where the guy who loves his stapler keeps getting moved around from one crappy cubicle to another.  I think he finally ends up in the nasty damp basement.  Poor thing!

Construction came and went and my old window office is now sitting empty.  I am still here in the “bathroom office.”  It wouldn’t be so bad, except that everyone refers to it as the “bathroom office.”  Another part of the issue is that my job is still evolving. 

To cope, I have decided that I will find some pictures of toilets or bathrooms and frame them to decorate this office.  I found a great calendar that I could deconstruct and use for the pictures here or here.  Additionally, a friend down the hall plans to bring me a “sense and spray” air freshener.  The same friend gave me the flowers you see in the picture. 

For now, I will continue to dwell in my bathroom office...until I move again.  Thankfully, I don't think this building doesn’t have a nasty damp basement!

Valentine's Day.....Schmalentine's Day!

DISCLAIMER: This blog entry has absolutely, positively nothing to do with being a working mom...it's just one of those stories I thought I would share.

I have never had a particularly good Valentine's Day.  I remember that February 14th my freshman year in college was a very drab day.  I walked into the dorm (good 'ole Tut, for those of you who attended UA) from my morning class, and there were bouquets of flowers EVERYWHERE!  This dorm had 13 stories with about 50-75 girls on each floor, so you can only imagine the chaos of looking through the mountains of bouquets to see if you were special enough to receive flowers.  I remember thinking how nice it would have been to walk over to a nice arrangement of gerber daisies and see my name on the tag.  However, I was not dating anyone at the time.  My best friend received not one, not two, not three....but four bouquets of flowers from four different guys that year.  I was in her room when the third and fourth bouquets were delivered, and like a good friend, I walked downstairs with her to pick both up.  You would think that she would have offered to let me take care of one of those arrangements.  But, no such luck.

I was dating someone my sophomore year.  Neither of us were interested in going out for dinner--he was the shy type and I don't like crowds.  We decided to keep gifts under $10 and I cooked dinner for him at our apartment.  I got him a goldfish and cooked a lovely meal (Chicken with a Lemon Cream Sauce, rice pilaf and green beans).  He got me a t-shirt.  Hmmmmm.  Boring

My junior and senior years, I hosted parties for friends who were "dateless."  This was actually a novel idea, and both guys and girls attended.  I cooked the famous Chicken with Lemon Cream Sauce and the group would usually go to a movie afterwards.  There were no expectations--just a regular old evening with friends.

As I got older, I disliked Valentine's Day more and more.

Until, I met him...you know...the man who is now my husband.  We met in August, met again two months later, and then started dating in November.  We spent time together at Christmas and on New Year's Eve/Day, and it all seemed so magical that we collectively decided to go all out with celebrating Valentine's Day. 

on the front porch in a swing...Winter 2000-01

After all, we owed a lot to "Cupid" for bringing us together.  I wore my cute red skirt, tall black boots and a flowery shirt to work that day.  I was so ready to have a REAL date for Valentine's Day!  I floated through the day, counting the minutes until 5:00 PM. 

Sometime around 3:00, I was paged over the intercom system.  My stomach flipped over at least twice!  Several of my coworkers had received floral arrangements that day.  Every time it was the same...they received a page over the intercom system, would walk upstairs, and then return with a huge smile and a bouquet of pretty red roses.  Could "he" have sent me flowers??? 

I strutted up the stairs, hoping for the first time that I would get a flower delivery.  The receptionist greeted me with a smile.  "Sherry, you have received a delivery..."  I looked around the reception area, but didn't see any flowers.  What kind of delivery?  "...but it was sent to one of our satellite offices."   Da da da da da........

I almost didn't hear what she was saying. It turns out that even though he had given the florist one of my business cards WITH MY WORK ADDRESS ON THE CARD, mind you, the delivery was made 17 miles away from my office.  Sorry for shouting.  I still wonder why things like this happen to me.  I think that the Good Lord above is desperately trying to make sure my life is adventursome.

Thankfully, my sweet boyfriend picked me up after work and drove me all the way to the satellite office to pick up the roses.  They were beautiful - the prettiest roses I had seen.  They were pink with dark pink on the edge of the petals.  I have a picture somewhere.

After picking up the roses, we decided to go to dinner.  I guess since neither of us had experienced a good Valentine's Day to that point, we didn't realize that you had to make reservations.  We probably stopped at 6 different locations only to hear, "there's a 3 hour wait..." or, "what do you mean you don't have a reservation on Valentine's Day?"    We ended up having a very lovely meal at a Japanese restaurant at a table with about 4 other couples we did not know who had apparently struggled with long waits and no reservations at other restaurants. 

All in all, it was still the best Valentine's Day either of us had ever had. 

Nowadays, we go out to dinner several days before or after V-day.  I usually buy him a pair of shoes, and he usually buys me donuts and a flower or two.  He's never tried to send me flowers again.  And I completely understand why.  It's just funny how things work out.  And it all seems to be perfectly fine...with or without a Valentine's Day bouquet or fancy date.

Valentine's Day 2010

Thanks for reading my horrible and sometimes very boring and pitiful Valentine's Day stories.

Good night.

Sleep Training

I never thought a child would have to be trained to sleep.  I remember babysitting one family in particular.  I kept their child when he was almost a year old.  Putting him to sleep was easy--I gave him a bottle, laid him in his bed...and he went to sleep and never cried. 

"Lucky" was fairly easy to get to sleep until the age of 11 months.  Then, something changed.  It might have been the fact that 6 of his teeth (including four 1-year molars) came in during the month of December.  Or it could have been the illnesses.  Whatever the reason, the process of getting him to sleep took well over an hour each night.  After a day of working, driving home, and cooking, I was mentally and physically exhausted each night by the time I put him in bed. 

A handful of times, "Lucky" would wake up in the middle of the night.  This happened most when he had an ear infection.  Not often, but on occasion, I would put him in the bed with us.  I would place a boppy on the bed between us, and "Lucky" would peacefully go back to sleep.  

But those occasions were so rare.  Why, suddenly, was it nearly impossible to get him to sleep?  What were we doing wrong?  We were following the same routine that we had since he was just months old. 

After asking co-workers for advice, I decided to do some research on the internet for the best advice.  I went to one of my favorite online stores, amazon.com,  and used the "look inside the book" feature to find the books that I thought matched our parenting style.  I finally settled on two, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, and The SleepEasy Solution by Jenniver Waldburger and Jill Spivack. 

I gave one book to my husband and I took the other. Mind you, the problem wasn't sleeping through the night; once we got him to sleep, he usually slept about 10 hours.  The issue was with getting him to sleep.  We decided to read a few chapters before actually starting the process.  What we found (both books agreed on several items), is that we were putting Lucky to bed too late.  We weren't recognizing his "tired signs," and it was causing major problems.  According to The SleepEasy Solution, when your body becomes overtired, it produces a hormone called cortisol which acts as a stimlant.  Think coffee or adrenaline.  We were keeping Lucky up too late, and he was catching his second wind.  When we were ready to put him to sleep, he was wired.  No wonder it took us so long!

Finally!  We knew what we had to do.  It wasn't going to be easy, and both books agreed on that fact. The keys to it all...1) put him to sleep an hour earlier (7PM), 2) follow a strict routine before bedtime and keep that routine, 3) always put your child to bed drowsy - not completely asleep, and 4) ensure he gets 11 hours of sleep.  Honestly, I was suspicious and didn't think any of it would work.

We decided to try the recommended practices in the book and see how it went.  We had already been using a white noise machine and kept his room dark.  We gave him a bath, put on his pajamas, read a book, and gave him a bottle.  While he was not quite asleep, I laid him in his crib.  At first he didn't cry.  And, he was fine for the first check-in (sporadic check-ins make a big difference).  After the first check-in, however...he fell completely apart.  I pretended to walk out of his room, but just as I pulled the door open, I "hit the deck" and crawled back below his bed where he couldn't see me.  This time I would have to wait double the time for the second check-in.  I watched the clock and watched him as he cried standing up in the crib.  He was heartbroken...and I was too.  I really wanted to stand up and cuddle him in my arms and say to heck with the whole thing.  I wanted to rock him to sleep - not caring that it might take another hour. 

But something inside said, "wait it out." So, I listened to the little voice.  Lo and behold...before the next check-in time...he was sound asleep!  I was completely shocked.  How could this happen?

The second night, I was confident.  We started the routine at 6:30.  He got a bath, we put on his pajamas, read a book, and he drank a bottle.  Then, he did something strange.  He climbed on my shoulder and turned his head to the side.  He was putting himself to sleep!  After a few short minutes, I decided that I should put him in the crib.  He only cried for 2 minutes--if that.  And voila--he was asleep! 

The wonderful thing about this process is that twice he has been put to sleep by other family members, and it works for them too!  We can go out on dates now!  As long as the sitter knows the routine, we are golden. 

After 5 weeks, I can honestly say that things are so much better.  We have had one set-back this week.  "Lucky" has been waking at 4:58 for the last 5 days.  Thankfully, the books we have address "early wakers."  The experts say to continue your check-ins as if it were night-time.  We plan to attempt that strategy tomorrow morning, and I will let you all know how it goes.

My point is that if your child is getting enough sleep (both books agree that 11 hours is average and needed for young children), you should be getting sleep too.  It's worth giving sleep training a try if you are experiencing any issues with your little one.