It's a Mom Thing

What is it about having a baby that makes a person speech impaired and forgetful?  Lately, especially lately, I have noticed that I cannot speak properly.  I can’t find the right words for the things I am trying to say.  It is so frustrating!  Sometimes I will ask my husband, “can you get me the, um, well, the THING over there???”  He exasperates me by saying, “thing...what thing?  What are you trying to ask me for?”

It’s almost like there is a disconnect between my mind, what I want to say, and actually spitting it out.  I have noticed this verbalization problem since the day I gave birth to Lucky.  At first, I thought it was a focus issue.  I was so focused on maintaining the life of our pride and joy that I was using all of my brain power on him.  Communicating wasn’t a priority in my head.  Therefore, finding the right words to use at the right time just didn’t happen.

Now that he is 1 and is a big ball of energy, it takes even more brain power to keep up with him.  Working full time adds to the suction of brain cells from my head.  Keeping up with work, doctor’s appointments, a headstrong toddler, getting him to daycare, teaching a Sunday School class, paying bills, preparing taxes, etc... etc... etc...   

Forgetfulness also plays a huge role in my recent “is it a mom thing” symptoms.  Memory loss.  Today is the perfect example.  I took my son to daycare, without his backpack.   I remember seeing the cute little blue Mickey Mouse backpack in the backseat of my car just yesterday afternoon.  How can it disappear overnight?  I don’t remember bringing it inside.  Normally, since it only has a change of clothes in it, I leave it in the car.  After dropping Lucky off this morning, I called hubby to ask him to look around for it at home .  Here is our conversation:

Me: “Honey...”

Him: “Yes...”

Me:  “Lucky doesn’t have his backpack.  I don’t know where it could be.  It wasn’t in my car or at school.”

Him: “Well, where is it?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know. I don’t remember taking it out of the car.  There is no logical reason why I would have taken it out...Will you try to find it at home?”

Him: “Yes, Honey.”

........Thirty minutes pass........

Me: “Honey...”

Him: “Yes...”

Me: “Did you find the backpack?”

Him: “Yes.”

Me: “Great! Where was it?”

Him: “Outside hanging on an azalea!”

Me: “WHAT?  I don’t remember taking it outside!”

Him: “Did you have it with you when you got the mail?”

Me: “No.  It was cold and rainy outside!   We didn’t go outside.”

Him: “Hmmmm.  So you don’t remember where you left it? 

Me: pause...thinking...trying to remember..." no..."


Him: "So you don’t know if I am just messing with you.  This is fun!”

Me: “Yes. You are right.  I don't remember. Well, wherever you found it, could you please take it to Lucky?  He needs a change of clothes at school.”

You see?  My husband aggravates me just for the fun of it.  So today, because of my forgetfulness, little Lucky is at daycare without an extra change of clothes until his Daddy can find time to take it to him.  Poor buddy!

The truth of the matter is, this kind of thing happens all the time.  These conversations happen all the time.  Come to think of it, I am hoping that someone will speak up and say, “Yes! It’s a Mom Thing!” 

Achieving a Balance

Last week, my work roomie and I went to a seminar.  Honestly, I was not expecting too much from this session.  I thought the presenter would tell me a bunch of things that I already knew.  However, in the last 5 days, I have come to realize that the seminar made me think quite a bit about how I am using my time. I think that just about anyone can relate to the following tips that I learned, so here it goes:

First exercise: Write 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 on a piece of paper.  Write down the five most important things in your life.  These could be people, possessions, concepts.  Just think, "what is important to me?"  Now, prioritize this list, 1 is the highest priority.  Take your time - consider carefully. 

Now, realistically think about the amount of time each day that you spend on those things.  If these are truly your priorities, you should be giving more of yourself to each thing.  The rating that you gave each item is irrelevant if you are not making these true priorities.  In fact, you could make a second list that has the 5 things that you spend the majority of your day on and then compare the two lists.

So, in this exercise, we define what is most important to us and develop a plan that helps prioritize and balance these things.  If you included a priority to spend more time reading your Bible, wake up 30 minutes earlier and devote that time to studying God's word or in prayer.  After dinner, instead of replying to that e-mail to your boss right away, spend time working with your 1-year old as he learns to take his first steps.  Make time for the things that are most important to you.

We also learned the requirements to having a balanced life:

Learn to value rest, relaxation, and meditation - build down-time into your schedule.  Last night, I turned on one of my favorite channels and just zoned out for 30 minutes.  It was worth it to forget about the stresses of the day.  The presenter also encouraged us to take a 15 minute break from work each afternoon and walk, sit on a bench and people watch, read a book, or whatever is relaxing to you.  15 minutes could be the boost that helps you get through the rest of your day. 

Do not work through your lunch break.  I am so guilty of this one.  Take the hour  to run errands, eat lunch, or take a walk; just be sure you take the whole hour!

Drop activities that zap your time and energy.  For example, instead of trying to figure out how I can fix our washer/dryer, I should spend the extra money towards labor and hire someone to fix it.  I love fixing things.  I have replaced all lighting fixtures in our home over the last 3 years.  I would have made a great electrician!  I would probably enjoy taking the washing machine apart.  But, it might take me 4 hours to fix.  That four hours would certainly be more useful doing something on my priority list.  Key point: Sometimes it is worth it to pay an expert to do the tasks.

Good nutrition matters.  I will say that I feel better than I have in a long time - now that I am concentrating on eating healthy.  Dropping 25 pounds has made a difference in how I feel each day.  My clothes fit better, and I feel better about myself.  I am eating foods that give me energy.  I used to have knee pain.  My knees feel so much better now that I am not carrying around that extra weight.  If you feel good, you will have a better attitude when struggles come along.

Regular exercise is important.  One of my favorite things about the spring is walking after work.  It is the one time when we can catch up on the day and visit with neighbors.  Exercise and good nutrition help give you the energy you need to manage your day to day priorities.

Good Support Systems are essential.   Spend time with your friends and family; don't be afraid to lean on them for help. 

Meaningful Work.  Are you in the right job?  Are you being challenged?  Do you enjoy waking up every morning and heading off to work?  If the answer is no, you may want to consider a career change. 

Find time for Humor, Laughter and Play. Proverbs 17:22 reads, "A merry heart does good, like medicine..."  One suggestion is to put "fun" things on your calendar.  Whether it is a date night or Pizza night at home, having something to look forward to in the days and weeks to come makes a big difference.


See the excerpt below from The Mayo Clinic:

Short-term benefits
A good laugh has great short-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can:

• Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
• Activate and relieve your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response and increases your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.
• Soothe tension. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

I challenge you - not just working parents - to evaluate your goals and priorities.  Come up with family goals.  Where do you want to be in 5 years, 10 years, etc.  Evaluate the time you are spending with the things you consider to be your priorities.  If you feel like you are well-adjusted, then good for you.  If not, incorporate some of the balanced life suggestions listed above.  Make time for the things that really matter.

The other day, in response to my complaining about the "bathroom office," my husband said, "If you don't like something, change it.  If you can't change it; change the way you think about it."  So, I purchased the outhouses calendar.  It adds a little humor to the office.  The quote for February reads, "Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world; until the world will be sorry that you retire." - Samuel Johnson.

Empowered, Accomplished and Helpless...

Yesterday must have been opposite day.  There were so many times I felt accomplished and empowered.  At other times, I felt helpless. 

It all started when my husband left at 8:15 AM Sunday for a business trip.  My foundation is leaving? For the first time in our marriage, he will be away for 6 full days and five nights.  I have mentioned that I was once a nanny and have spent multiple nights/days caring for little ones.  In my nannying days, I cared for 2 year old triplets one summer, and for a newborn, a four-year-old, and a 9 year old my senior year in college.  For some reason, the thought of "going it alone" with my little one frightened me.  As soon as dear husband's car left the driveway, I glanced at the clock and had an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach...how am I going to do everything that needs to be done without his help?

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED:  I took "Lucky" to church and enjoyed an hour with my eighth grade class. They are finally coming out of their shells! 
 
feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: We enjoyed a lovely lunch of Kraft  Macaroni and Cheese, mixed fruit cups, and turkey slices.
feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: He took a 3 hour nap while I straightened the house and baked a loaf of banana bread.  I even got a 30 minute nap!

feeling HELPLESS: He woke up fussy.  Where's Silly Daddy when you need him?

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: We took a 30 minute walk and he practiced walking in the driveway.

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: We stocked up at the grocery store. Saved $20 by using coupons.

feeling HELPLESS: Put a load of wash into the washing machine.  Hear a loud "CLICKING" noise at a time when it should be spinning, spinning, spinning....enough to put me over the edge.  I seriously contemplate buying a new washer to replace this 10 year old one.  I even go so far as to look in the Sunday circulars for a "good deal." 

feeling HELPLESS: Don't even want to "think outside the box." Tell husband when he calls that I'm planning to get a new washer.  He reasons me into seeing how much the part/labor will cost to fix it.

feeling HELPLESS: Baby is fussy - throws a major temper tantrum.  Kicks, screams, and pounds his fists on the playmat in his playyard.  I can't figure out what he wants.

feeling HELPLESS: My sister isn't coming to help out.  She's facing personal challenges of her own.  Insert frowny face with big crocodile tears here! :-(

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: Give baby a bath.  He's happy for 10 mintues.  Dry his hair and give him a bottle.  My eye is on the clock...it's only 6:15.  Bedtime is at 7:00 PM.  I take a chance and put him in his crib.  Within 30 seconds, he is sound asleep.

feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED: Finish taxes and file them. 

Thankfully, I ended the day feeling EMPOWERED and ACCOMPLISHED.  Still, this week is not going to be easy.  I'm going to try looking on the bright side of things. Updates coming soon!

My little valentine

I stopped by daycare today in the middle of the day.  Honestly, I do not know how the teachers at the center do it.  8 out of 10 children were sitting quietly on their cots.  The other two were still sleeping.  "Lucky" was awake and was so excited to see me.  But, oh! He really wanted to come off of the mat to see me.  His teacher, Ms. Kristie, said, "Lucky, you need to stay on the mat until 2:30." And he straightened up, looked her in the eye, and...get this...he listened to her!  I am not kidding.  He even let me take this picture:

My little valentine turned 14 months last week.  Most of the children in his class are at least a year, but there are a few in the class around 10 months of age.  Every single child was sitting nicely on their cot until 2:30. How do they do it?

He minds so well at daycare.  We hear, "He's always happy," or "he rarely cries."  Um, hmmmm.  How should I put this?  To us, "Lucky" is a fussy baby.  He has very good moments - don't get me wrong.  His best times are first thing in the morning and just before he goes to bed.  We see our share of tantrums, yells and fusses.  So, are we spoiling him?  Are we strict enough?  What are we doing wrong?

Naturally, I want the times that he is with us to be the very best.  I know that things will not be rosy and happy all of the time.  But I have to wonder, is there a right way and a wrong way to parent a 14 month old?

I asked the pediatrician at our 1 year visit, and he told me to read the James Dobson books.  I asked another pediatrician a couple of weeks later at a sick appointment, and he said, "Please do not read the James Dobson books."  The second pediatrician said, "The parents who seem to have all the answers are the ones we worry about.  The ones who ask us for advice tend to be the ones who are doing a great job."  Really? 

The second pediatrician also said that "Lucky's" Terrible Two's were not going to be as terrible since he is a Terrible One.  Anyone else ever heard that one?

Do any of you out there in internet land have any suggestions, book reviews, or even books to share?  We are up for anything and welcome your thoughts!

A Supportive Spouse

Let me start off by saying that I truly know how lucky I am.  Some women reading this blog are doing it alone--working full time and single moms.  I will address these women in another post, and please know that I am amazed at what you are doing.

Several years ago, I was frightened at the amount of laundry that came with signing a marriage certificate.  I honestly felt like I was doing laundry all the time!  Of course now that we have a child, I really feel like I do laundry all the time.  My husband worked weekends when we first got married, and I used my "free time" on Saturdays to clean house.  I would spend hours mopping, scrubbing, vacuuming, dishwashing, and laundry.  Because he was working two jobs that year, I felt it was my responsibility to make sure the house was perfect. 

However, when he cut back to one job, we had a family meeting.  We talked about the household chores that we were good at and also discussed the things we disliked.  At that point, we agreed to the following:

• Bathroom cleaning - Him
• Vacuuming - Her
• Putting clothes in the washer/dryer- Him
• Folding clothes - Her
• Dishwashing - Neither of us liked this one, so we both do it.
• Mopping- Her
• Dusting - Her
• Yard work - Him

You get the gist.  Well, again all of that changed with the arrival of "Lucky."  During my maternity leave, I could barely find time during the day to eat a sandwich.  Seriously.  I remember looking at the clock at 1:45 one afternoon and realizing that the only thing I had ingested during the day was coffee. 

Side note: I was so used to being on the go- taking classes, working a full-time job, going on outings with friends and family, that I did not adjust well to being home 24-7.  Having a baby in the winter months did not help, either.  Our pediatrician scared us to death - warning us against getting our baby out of the house for fear of introducing germs.  I didn't even take him to Target until he was 8 weeks old.  Even then, he was completely shielded from the Target world with a receiving blanket. 

Thankfully, my husband embraced the role of "daddy" and was so helpful; especially when maternity leave left us.  "Lucky" started sleeping through the night (an 8 hour stretch) the week that I went back to work.  Hubby would wake up with the baby at 5, feed him his bottle while I got ready, and entertain him until I pulled myself together enough to walk out the door.  Many days he took the baby to daycare (I will write about finding a great childcare center in another post).  One thing that helped tremendously is cooking ahead and/or eating leftovers.  My husband would typically arrive home before me and would start dinner before I got home.

My point to all of the above is that to make things work at work and at home, for me, it takes a loving, supportive husband.  I can honestly say that I don't think I could do it without him.