It's a Mom Thing

What is it about having a baby that makes a person speech impaired and forgetful?  Lately, especially lately, I have noticed that I cannot speak properly.  I can’t find the right words for the things I am trying to say.  It is so frustrating!  Sometimes I will ask my husband, “can you get me the, um, well, the THING over there???”  He exasperates me by saying, “thing...what thing?  What are you trying to ask me for?”

It’s almost like there is a disconnect between my mind, what I want to say, and actually spitting it out.  I have noticed this verbalization problem since the day I gave birth to Lucky.  At first, I thought it was a focus issue.  I was so focused on maintaining the life of our pride and joy that I was using all of my brain power on him.  Communicating wasn’t a priority in my head.  Therefore, finding the right words to use at the right time just didn’t happen.

Now that he is 1 and is a big ball of energy, it takes even more brain power to keep up with him.  Working full time adds to the suction of brain cells from my head.  Keeping up with work, doctor’s appointments, a headstrong toddler, getting him to daycare, teaching a Sunday School class, paying bills, preparing taxes, etc... etc... etc...   

Forgetfulness also plays a huge role in my recent “is it a mom thing” symptoms.  Memory loss.  Today is the perfect example.  I took my son to daycare, without his backpack.   I remember seeing the cute little blue Mickey Mouse backpack in the backseat of my car just yesterday afternoon.  How can it disappear overnight?  I don’t remember bringing it inside.  Normally, since it only has a change of clothes in it, I leave it in the car.  After dropping Lucky off this morning, I called hubby to ask him to look around for it at home .  Here is our conversation:

Me: “Honey...”

Him: “Yes...”

Me:  “Lucky doesn’t have his backpack.  I don’t know where it could be.  It wasn’t in my car or at school.”

Him: “Well, where is it?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know. I don’t remember taking it out of the car.  There is no logical reason why I would have taken it out...Will you try to find it at home?”

Him: “Yes, Honey.”

........Thirty minutes pass........

Me: “Honey...”

Him: “Yes...”

Me: “Did you find the backpack?”

Him: “Yes.”

Me: “Great! Where was it?”

Him: “Outside hanging on an azalea!”

Me: “WHAT?  I don’t remember taking it outside!”

Him: “Did you have it with you when you got the mail?”

Me: “No.  It was cold and rainy outside!   We didn’t go outside.”

Him: “Hmmmm.  So you don’t remember where you left it? 

Me: pause...thinking...trying to remember..." no..."


Him: "So you don’t know if I am just messing with you.  This is fun!”

Me: “Yes. You are right.  I don't remember. Well, wherever you found it, could you please take it to Lucky?  He needs a change of clothes at school.”

You see?  My husband aggravates me just for the fun of it.  So today, because of my forgetfulness, little Lucky is at daycare without an extra change of clothes until his Daddy can find time to take it to him.  Poor buddy!

The truth of the matter is, this kind of thing happens all the time.  These conversations happen all the time.  Come to think of it, I am hoping that someone will speak up and say, “Yes! It’s a Mom Thing!” 

My little valentine

I stopped by daycare today in the middle of the day.  Honestly, I do not know how the teachers at the center do it.  8 out of 10 children were sitting quietly on their cots.  The other two were still sleeping.  "Lucky" was awake and was so excited to see me.  But, oh! He really wanted to come off of the mat to see me.  His teacher, Ms. Kristie, said, "Lucky, you need to stay on the mat until 2:30." And he straightened up, looked her in the eye, and...get this...he listened to her!  I am not kidding.  He even let me take this picture:

My little valentine turned 14 months last week.  Most of the children in his class are at least a year, but there are a few in the class around 10 months of age.  Every single child was sitting nicely on their cot until 2:30. How do they do it?

He minds so well at daycare.  We hear, "He's always happy," or "he rarely cries."  Um, hmmmm.  How should I put this?  To us, "Lucky" is a fussy baby.  He has very good moments - don't get me wrong.  His best times are first thing in the morning and just before he goes to bed.  We see our share of tantrums, yells and fusses.  So, are we spoiling him?  Are we strict enough?  What are we doing wrong?

Naturally, I want the times that he is with us to be the very best.  I know that things will not be rosy and happy all of the time.  But I have to wonder, is there a right way and a wrong way to parent a 14 month old?

I asked the pediatrician at our 1 year visit, and he told me to read the James Dobson books.  I asked another pediatrician a couple of weeks later at a sick appointment, and he said, "Please do not read the James Dobson books."  The second pediatrician said, "The parents who seem to have all the answers are the ones we worry about.  The ones who ask us for advice tend to be the ones who are doing a great job."  Really? 

The second pediatrician also said that "Lucky's" Terrible Two's were not going to be as terrible since he is a Terrible One.  Anyone else ever heard that one?

Do any of you out there in internet land have any suggestions, book reviews, or even books to share?  We are up for anything and welcome your thoughts!

Childcare Options

Finding the right childcare option is not an easy task.  One thing that I found particularly daunting was the fact that most daycare centers in our region had a waiting list several hundred people long.  I started researching childcare centers when I was just a few weeks pregnant.  I built a spreadsheet with information on each of the centers we were interested in and spent several days calling the directors of each center.  I looked at the following criteria:

1. Location - were they closer to work or home?
2. Start date of the new school year - this would make a difference in the timing of starting a particular program for some centers that did not accept students throughout the year.
3. Student-teacher ratio - this was very important to me.  You want that ratio to be small for your precious itty-bitty bundle!
4. Hours of operation - Believe it or not, this can make a big difference!
5. Accreditation - If a center is NAEYC accredited, you can be assured that your daycare is taking the appropriate measures to ensure your child has the optimum childcare experience.
6. Website link - for future quick reference
7. Cost - most importantly, what will each childcare center cost you on a monthly basis?

I made appointments at several of the centers and toured each facility.  I met with the teachers in the youngest classroom to learn more about the typical day.  One thing that I think is so important is to look at staff turnover.  In one center, there were 2 teachers who had taught in the same facility for 27 years with the same aged children.  You know these women had to love their jobs--to be with the babies for 27 years!  All I can say is, "Wow!" 

We ended up choosing a daycare based on the location, facility, and staff interactions.  Additionally, they had an opening the week I was coming off of maternity leave. There were two main negatives to this choice - it was more pricey than we were looking for AND they did not open their doors until 7AM.  I get to work by 7:30, so this quickly became a problem.  Thankfully, my supportive spouse stepped up to the plate and helped me out.

15 weeks old--first day of school!

"Lucky" was 15 weeks to the day when he started going to a daycare that was fairly close to our home (4 miles away); however it was four miles "out of the way."  It was an NAEYC accredited program and was a beautiful facility. The classrooms were nice and roomy, and the staff were extremely friendly.  However, when he turned 6 months old, he got sick. I will post more about "When Illness Strikes," but just know that he was sick every other week (and sometimes every week) until he was 10.5 months old.  We quickly learned that the daycare nearest home was not the best option.  Several times I would have to leave work to take "Lucky" to the doctor.  It would take me about 30 mintues to get to his school, check him out, get him snug in the car, and then another 20 minutes to get to his pediatrician.  By the time the appointment ended and we were back on the road, I would have been gone from the office for almost two hours.  At that point (unless it happened to be a morning appointment) it didn't even make sense to go back to the office. 

After several months, and to our surprise, another opening became available at a center 2 blocks from my office.  I was on the waiting list for 15 months before I got the call from them. The "new" center opened at 6:30 AM each day and was almost $1000/year cheaper.  Just as the first daycare, there was very little staff turnover.  Because of the proximity to a university, the ratio for our current daycare is more like 1 teacher for every 2 students.  There are student teachers that hold regular positions in the center and work daily as part of their curriculum.  The new center feels like a family, and I know that "Lucky" is in the best care 5 days each week.

First week at the new center

In the end, you need to find the option that works best for your family.  Choosing a childcare center is an arduous process.  In the end, go with your gut feelings.  If you have any uneasy feelings about anything at all, you should feel comfortable calling or meeting with the daycare director.  Trust your instincts, and rest assured that your child is in the best care for the 8 or so hours that you are at work.